So I decided to finally watch “Food Matters”. If you didn’t already know this, it is a documentary about how we eat, what we eat, and how doctors treat our conditions.
I have read the books “Back to Eden” and “World Without Cancer” more then once each so there was very little that I didn’t know in the documentary but I wanted my family to watch it also.
I will not get into the absolute fraud that cancer research is. Anyone with open eyes can research that online or anywhere else and find out the real reasons that there supposedly are no “cures for cancer” at this time. Needless to say, whenever I see a“let’s cure cancer” marathon or telethon or a new press release that says they are getting “closer to curing cancer”, I want to vomit all over myself.
The show went into detail about how so much of the foods that we eat are deficient in so many ways. I strongly suggest you watch it with your family.
See this innocent little noise machine? I hate it. We all make sacrifices when we get married. And my lovely wife Emily, likes “white noise” when she sleeps. I like it quiet at night so when I am sleeping and I hear a burglar trying to break in to steal my eggs or something, I can get up and shoot him. But with this thing, I hear nothing.
The other night we had the power go out and her lovely little machine went dead quiet and I had failed to get back up batteries. Ahhh ….silence. The wonderful nothingness of it all. But guess what? It seems that after all these years of nocturnal brainwashing that Emily has imposed upon me with her little sound machine, I now can’t sleep. David is coughing. The roof has a tiny leak behind the wood burning stove and I hear it drip. Elijah is snoring. Zach still talks in his sleep. Yikes. What a mess. Then the power comes on……and then off. Then on again, then off. Apparently the default “white noise” setting when the sound machine from you-know-where comes back on is “birds”. So when I was able to finally fall asleep I was startled awake again by birds screeching and chirping loudly. How on earth is that supposed to be a sound that lulls you to sleep? I kept waking up thinking I was sleeping in the aviary at the San Diego Zoo.
Emily doesn’t like the ocean setting because it occasionally has a whale sound. She doesn’t like whales or the odd noises they make. It freaks her out.
So now I am stuck. I’ll have to buy some batteries, I presume. Or go sleep in the tree house or something.
Hello everyone. I am concerned that all humanity other then myself is not getting themselves excited for the summer months coming up like I am.
So, the nice guy that I am, have decided to give you a few tips, free of charge.
Tip one: Buy a convertible. Here is a good example of what kind to buy, but any convertible will do. Do not discuss this with your wife before purchasing your vehicle. She will be mad, but will get over it. Buy her a new mop or something. Maybe a pair of those rubber gloves they use when they clean the toilet.
Tip two: Put a nice stereo in it. It gets noisy when the wind is blowing through your hair down the road so I suggest a powerful stereo. Here are the two old school Rockford Fosgate 1000 watt monsters I have in the back of mine. If your rear view mirror doesn’t shake when you turn up gangster rap music, it’s not powerful enough. A nice glitzy stereo that plays videos and shows stuff on a little color lcd screen is cool too. Mine will even show pics of my hottie wife on it when I get around to figuring it out.
Tip three: Drive it around with the top down even if it’s still forty degrees outside. This will get you in the right “mindset” for when it really is warm outside. Do not drive it in front of your house if you have failed to inform your wife that you obediently responded to tip one. There is a chance she might see you enjoying life excessively more then she is as she is vacuuming the living room, testing out the new mop you bought her with her new rubber gloves on and forlornly looking out the window. Living in a large city like Los Angeles helps you hide better then if you live in a town with only one traffic light in the entire county like, say, Nephi, Utah. 
Tip four: Buy some cool “Dirty Harry” dark prescription sunglasses that you can stare at people with and they can’t tell if you really are staring at them like some sort of perv or not. It helps keep the sun out of your eyes. And since you’ll be driving your new convertible around town picking up cleaning supplies for your wife back at the house, and the sun will be beating down on your face, you’ll need them.
Tip five: Don’t post anything you do on Facebook or any dumb blogsite where you might get caught. Chances are that the “she” might take a break from cleaning the bathroom or weeding the vegetable garden and get on the computer and see it.
And then undoubtedly try to blame it all on me.
You're welcome.
Jay
BIG DAY!!!!
Can't wait to see what's next.
